WHY DID THE HAGGIS CROSS THE ROAD

By Stuart McLean

144x111mm • 160pp • £4.99 • PB • ISBN 978-1-906051-26-6 • June 2008

Scotland is an amazing, unique country with so much to celebrate:
spectacular islands, mountains, glens and lochs; a wonderful culture of music, poetry and dance; a proud, though sometimes tragic history; a national football squad that can hold its own against some of the best Girl Guide teams in the world... Then there's haggis, the Loch Ness Monster, the kilt, whisky, Irn-Bru, heather, thistles, bagpipes and so on...

But there's one thing the Scots as a nation do particularly well: they take the piss out of all of this! Yes - when the Scots tell a joke it's usually at their own expense. So this collection of gems pokes fun at just about everyone and everything from kilts and haggis through footie and thriftiness to Sassenachs, Teeries, and Glaswegians. Some of the jokes are old favourites retold, some are brand new, and some are a few specimens found on that internet thingy which have been massaged to make them almost funny.

Two salmon were in a tank. One said to the other, "Archie, do you know how to drive this thing?"

Why do Aberdonian farmers wear kilts?
Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

A Scotsman walking through a field sees a man drinking water from a pool with his hand. "Awa ye eijit, can yeh no tell that's foo o coos keich?!" (Begone you idiot, can't you tell it's full of cow shit?!) The man shouts back, "I'm English. Speak English, I don't understand you!" to which the Scotsman replies heartily, "I said use both hands, you'll get more in!"

Contents

INTRODUCTION
Haggis Jokes
Nessie Jokes
Kilts & Tartan Jokes
Assorted Jokes
Football Jokes
Bagpipe Jokes
Whisky Jokes
The Worst Scottish Jokes
The Scottish Character
Cannie Scots Jokes
The Rougher Side of Life
Scottish Light Bulb Jokes
Scottish Knock Knock Jokes
Love of Sheep
Glasgow Pub Quiz
Some Truly Scottish Insults
Why did the haggis cross the road?

www.Why-Did-the-Haggis-Cross-the-Road.com