NED SPEAK

By Lee Bok

ISBN 1-905102-73-9
£2.99, PB

It’s a guide to Scottish Chav talk, ya mento muppet!

Bawbag
noun
a. Ned term for a scrotum
b. Derogatory name for an annoying or stupid person
Typical usage: Aaaaaaghhhh!!! You kicked me in ra bawbag ya big fuckin’ bawbag!

More jokes we didn't have room for :)

NED TEXT MESSAGES

When a Ned steals your mobile this is the type of message he’s likely to send:

Message: thw knm yee kxee init
Meaning: Christ, this glue’s so bloody strong I can hardly see the phone buttons.

Message: Gorra job as an accountant
Meaning: April fool ya stupid bloody bampot.

Message: Ahm oan ma way hame
Meaning: Have just hotwired a BMW Z4 convertible - see you after I’ve crashed and torched it.

Message: Ahm at ra chemist
Meaning: I’m taking my daily dose of methadone.

Message: ILuvU
Meaning: I’m in bed with your best friend.

Message: CUSoon
Meaning: Have gone to the pub for a few drinks – will crawl home in a drunken stupor in about six hours. So get ready for some wild passionate sex.

Message: 4kOff
Meaning: I would be very much obliged if you would please go away.

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