THE LITTLE BOOK OF NEDS

By Lee Bok

ISBN 1-905102-30-5
£2.99, PB

The Ned – that distinctly Scottish brand of Chavdom – is instantly recognizable by his tracksuit and trainer (or Timberland) combo, Burberry cap pointing skywards, gold Argos chains blinging as he swaggers down the high street, swigging Buckie as he goes.

Here is the ultimate guide to Neds, their hangouts, lingo and lifestyle. Includes jokes.

Q: If two Neds are in a car and there’s no music blaring out, who’s doing the driving?
A: The polis.

Q: What are the first words of a baby Ned to its beloved single parent?
A: ‘Whit ye looking at, ya muppet?’